NYC: Happy New Year!

I popped into a super market called the Vinegar Factory ( I know, awful name) in the early evening to pick up some bagels so I could wake in the New Year with a proper NY bagel for breakfast.

Let me just say, New Yorkers do NOT screw around with their December holidays. It's the equivalent of Los Angeles and Halloween. Serious enthusiasm abounds.

I walk in just wanting a bagel, but instead am accosted by this in a SUPERMARKET, people:

and this:

Note the salad bar sign in the background

Have to love it. 

Happy Happy New Year from NYC!!!

NYC: Well, well, well, I am officially here, aren't I?

There are markers that signify progress in life; In NY there are few basic ones. I am living one of them.

But first, let me share this:

Last night I went to the dog park, and lo and behold I met a man who had moved here from California; I asked him from where - he told me Palm Springs, then said well, actually Indio.  (which is about 35 miles east of P.S.) I asked him WHY would you move from Indio to NYC? (Indio has two things it's known for: A Polo Field and Coachella Music Festival, and that pretty much sums it up)

He told me there was a hiring freeze on his company and he could either move to Raleigh, NC  or NYC - he chose NYC.

I asked him how he liked it. 

Now I am in the dog run, with SERIOUS New Yorkers. We're within spitting distance of Gracie Mansion (Yes, I know the Mayor doesn't live there, but, still ...)

He spoke a little too loudly for my taste and was nice enough, but then he said this:

"New York's just like Vegas but without the Casinos."

HUH? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. 

I started to slink away slowly, refusing to make eye contact with the other dog people- I didn't want them to ever recognize me again as being the woman that was talking to the idiot who THINKS NY IS LIKE VEGAS.

Mortification. Just sheer mortification.

I wanted to stop him and say have you no respect, son? Are you insane? You could possibly, possibly whisper that to someone, but to say it with that kind of matter of factness in a social setting is downright blasphemous.

I mean, really.

Oh, his job transfer here? Was with a granite company of some sort  - working on a large project.  But his dog was sweet. So, there's that.

Now. 

I have been without heat or hot water since yesterday morning. I got through the night, but today is getting tougher. Any residual heat in the apartment has gone; my dog who is not much of a snuggler, refused to go the park this morning, and has been under a fleece blanket all day.

I slept with 5 layers on top (3 of those are sweaters) and two layers on the bottom.

I am dirty and gross. I have dirty dishes that are begging to be washed. I have very little interest in going out even though I know it would be best to get the blood going to aide in keeping me warm - but the superficial side says if you go out looking like this the odds are that YOU WILL see someone you haven't seen in years or someone from your youth, and before you know it there will be those stories floating around... You know who I saw the other day? OMG, she looked awful and smelled a little too... Not happening.

My friend, a born and bred New Yorker told me to call 311 to complain about the heat. Let me tell you something about 311.   311 has commercials that run ALL the time on television -  Wanna quit smoking? Call 311. Stub your toe? Call 311. Need a job? Call 311. You don't like the way the sun is shining? Call 311. 311 is basically your Mother, therapist, attorney. personal assistant, and handyman all rolled into one. Seriously. I swear I could call them about the guy that I met in the park last night, and they would offer words of advice on how to gracefully extract oneself when in a siutation such as that.

Ha! It worked. I knew if I bitched long enough, the heat would come back on. Hurrah! It's on! See, a NY tradition. Works like a charm every time.

NYC: Blizzard 2010- CONSPIRACY!

OMG.

So we had a blizzard. A pretty magnificent blizzard. We had snow thunder, and non-stop snow.

I'm on the east coast, right? NYC, right? It's not like I'm in Houston.

THEN WHY IS EVERYONE FREAKING OUT???????????

The local ABC channel has preempted Oprah, for crying out loud.

Last night on the news there was a woman in Mineola, Long Island -  white woman, mid fifties, give or take; long grey curly hair, long down coat, perma-furrowed-brow and perma-scowl and called the blizzard just horrible, just awful, she couldn't believe it, what's the city doing about it? she said:  "I mean, this is CATASTROPHIC!"

I wanted to reach through the TV and throttle her neck.

Catastrophic?

The Haitian Earthquake?  Catastrophic.

The Indonesian Tsunami?  Catastrophic.

Hurricane Katrina?  Catastrophic.

This is NOT catastrophic.

Mayor Bloomberg's press conference yesterday had him a little annoyed by the pesky reporters and their questions - he sort of responded with an attitude of "that's' a dumb question, and I don't have time for this nonsense."

Today he had longer answers.

I know I am in a bit of a bubble for  where I live; the streets are manageable - not to drive, but to walk. You just have to be careful.

I understand the issues with the ambulances getting stuck. I understand the hardships of getting to work

But  the city is getting seriously wound up. We are fortunate that this happened during a holiday week.

I came in a little while ago and turned on the TV, and here was this guy bellowing across the airwaves on the local news. I did a double take, because seriously, if Hollywood put two actors dressed like these guys and gave the one guy the title he has, New Yorkers would be screaming FOUL!

New Yorkers would say: "you Hollywood people always portray us in such a cliché manner"

Really? But this is exactly how a writer in Hollywood would get the idea.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Mr Marty Markowitz, AKA Brooklyn Borough President looks like he just came up from the basement rec room to deliver his rant.

And rant he did.

I mean, who's the henchman in the background?

Really?

Mr. Brooklyn President talked about the "curve that was dropped sometime between the hours of midnight and 5 in the morning of the blizzard" "Why wasn't salt put down on Sunday night?" "Why are there cars still stranded?" 

By the way, what the hell does he mean by the "curve was dropped" ?  Did he mean ball? 

Henchman chewed gum throughout the whole rant.

Mr Marty Markowitz was on FIRE.

The little girl in Pink stared at the Brooklyn President the whole time she walked past them.

I think her expression says it all.

Rant, rant. Marty said: "I don't wanna get involved with the unions and all that, but after this is all done then we can sit down and quarterback this." He thinks he knows what happened. But, he ain't talking right now.

He made a plea, for anyone with vehicles that had the capability to tow, or healthy men and women who were strong and could shovel -  Brooklyn needed their help

He said $12.00 an hour. 

Here he is rubbing his fingers together, saying "that's a lotta money!"

And in typical politician style, not five seconds later he upped it to $15.00 an hour.

But you know if you went down it would be changed back to $12.00 an hour, and you would be told that the Brooklyn President "misspoke".

And henchman would be standing there smacking his gum with a look that said: "I dare ya" 

I later found out that Mr Borough President was upset (amongst a gazillion other things - this man is a professional bitcher) about the bike lanes in Brooklyn. Said the enforcement was ruining Prospect Park West and turning it  into a "mini Amsterdam" 

Apparently he youtubes a lot of his commentary, sings at times, and has no editing machine installed in the brain. 

Oh, and according to his bio: Marty married his wife, Jamie, in 1999, and they recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. They are the proud parents of Beep, a nine-year-old African Grey Parrot.

Get this man a show STAT.   A&E, are you listening?