Tuesday, December 28, 2010

NYC: Blizzard 2010- CONSPIRACY!


So we had a blizzard. A pretty magnificent blizzard. We had snow thunder, and non-stop snow.

I'm on the east coast, right? NYC, right? It's not like I'm in Houston.


The local ABC channel has preempted Oprah, for crying out loud.

Last night on the news there was a woman in Mineola, Long Island -  white woman, mid fifties, give or take; long grey curly hair, long down coat, perma-furrowed-brow and perma-scowl and called the blizzard just horrible, just awful, she couldn't believe it, what's the city doing about it? she said:  "I mean, this is CATASTROPHIC!"

I wanted to reach through the TV and throttle her neck.


The Haitian Earthquake?  Catastrophic.

The Indonesian Tsunami?  Catastrophic.

Hurricane Katrina?  Catastrophic.

This is NOT catastrophic.

Mayor Bloomberg's press conference yesterday had him a little annoyed by the pesky reporters and their questions - he sort of responded with an attitude of "that's' a dumb question, and I don't have time for this nonsense."

Today he had longer answers.

I know I am in a bit of a bubble for  where I live; the streets are manageable - not to drive, but to walk. You just have to be careful.

I understand the issues with the ambulances getting stuck. I understand the hardships of getting to work

But  the city is getting seriously wound up. We are fortunate that this happened during a holiday week.

I came in a little while ago and turned on the TV, and here was this guy bellowing across the airwaves on the local news. I did a double take, because seriously, if Hollywood put two actors dressed like these guys and gave the one guy the title he has, New Yorkers would be screaming FOUL!

New Yorkers would say: "you Hollywood people always portray us in such a cliché manner"

Really? But this is exactly how a writer in Hollywood would get the idea.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Mr Marty Markowitz, AKA Brooklyn Borough President looks like he just came up from the basement rec room to deliver his rant.

And rant he did.

I mean, who's the henchman in the background?

Mr. Brooklyn President talked about the "curve that was dropped sometime between the hours of midnight and 5 in the morning of the blizzard" "Why wasn't salt put down on Sunday night?" "Why are there cars still stranded?" 

By the way, what the hell does he mean by the "curve was dropped" ?  Did he mean ball? 

Henchman chewed gum throughout the whole rant.

Mr Marty Markowitz was on FIRE.

The little girl in Pink stared at the Brooklyn President the whole time she walked past them.

I think her expression says it all.

Rant, rant. Marty said: "I don't wanna get involved with the unions and all that, but after this is all done then we can sit down and quarterback this." He thinks he knows what happened. But, he ain't talking right now.

He made a plea, for anyone with vehicles that had the capability to tow, or healthy men and women who were strong and could shovel -  Brooklyn needed their help

He said $12.00 an hour. 

Here he is rubbing his fingers together, saying "that's a lotta money!"
And in typical politician style, not five seconds later he upped it to $15.00 an hour.

But you know if you went down it would be changed back to $12.00 an hour, and you would be told that the Brooklyn President "misspoke".

And henchman would be standing there smacking his gum with a look that said: "I dare ya" 

I later found out that Mr Borough President was upset (amongst a gazillion other things - this man is a professional bitcher) about the bike lanes in Brooklyn. Said the enforcement was ruining Prospect Park West and turning it  into a "mini Amsterdam" 

Apparently he youtubes a lot of his commentary, sings at times, and has no editing machine installed in the brain. 

Oh, and according to his bio: Marty married his wife, Jamie, in 1999, and they recently celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary. They are the proud parents of Beep, a nine-year-old African Grey Parrot.

Get this man a show STAT.   A&E, are you listening?

1 comment:

  1. Straight outta Central (Brooklyn) casting - cant make that up, can ya? At least have the dignity to tuck your ear in your cap. And spit out your gum.
    Gawd i miss NYC and Sue Simmons!